Narcissist: how they develop and how to deal with them?

Narcissistic personality disorder is more common in men

Narcissism is an exaggerated self-aggrandizement and an overwhelming desire to be the object of others' admiration. Although, as Sigmund Freud believed, mild narcissism is common in everyone, excessive narcissism is considered a personality disorder. So, how does one develop a narcissistic personality, and how should one deal with such people?

Revenge, betrayal, destruction - a narcissistic person can do anything if someone insults, criticizes, or exposes his manipulations. In such cases, there are no boundaries for the narcissist; there is nothing sacred, and his rage becomes as grandiose as his ego. Basically, the narcissistic personality will use any means to take revenge on others - even if it is family or friends.

In recent years, it has become fashionable to "diagnose" a narcissist as anyone who has not shown enough compassion or who has acted selfishly in an important relationship and hurt another person. However, it is important to realize that not everyone who has caused a fight, who has been self-aggrandizing, or who is extremely cold is a true narcissist^[1].

Similarly, it is much more common for men to be exclusively perceived as narcissists. However, although this personality disorder is somewhat more common in men, there are actually many narcissistic women.

To help you distinguish between a narcissistic personality disorder and a person with narcissistic traits, it is worth remembering the basic facts. This can even help you avoid the traps set by a narcissist or anticipate how he might behave in the future.

The main traits of a narcissist are exaggerated self-absorbance and a desire to be the center of attention

Narcissists are very focused on the attention of others and find it very difficult not to be the center of attention in the company. They are arrogant and overly adoring and want to be adored by others.

Narcissists are so eager to be admired by others that they often try to get attention and rise above the rest by creating conflicts in which they are able to divide the community into two sides of a barricade. Narcissus is good at this because he instinctively senses the weaknesses and sensitivities of certain groups. These weaknesses are deliberately and consistently provoked by the narcissist in order to divide the community in order to achieve his goals^[2].

In many cases, the narcissist tries to make a positive first impression. In addition, very often, whether in a relationship between two people or in a community, the narcissist will impulsively, with great force, attack a situation if he thinks he can benefit from it in some way.

In the initial stage, the narcissist tries to convince the other person or the community he wants to influence that he is positive, strong and successful. He tries to convince everyone that what lies ahead is unique, special, and definitely not to be denied because that would be the biggest mistake of life. This enthusiasm should not be surprising because Narcissus himself is also immersed in fantasies of unlimited success, beauty, and power.

However, creating such a powerful image takes a lot of energy. It is hardly possible to put on a kind of performance over a long period of time in which the narcissist always appears to be extremely strong, successful, and admirable. That is why a person with narcissistic personality disorder gets tired after a while and is overwhelmed by double feelings.

Sooner or later, he begins to retreat from this momentary impulse, takes a rest, builds up new energy, and then comes back again with great vigor. This is a typical "narcissistic swing". Since the narcissist also seeks benefits in all relationships, this swinging behavior is particularly successful in short-term relationships.

When you want a short-term, non-committal relationship or maybe you want to benefit in the short term from the mobilization of a larger group, this strong, intense, short-lived and energy-demanding behavior can be really helpful. In the long term, however, these tactics start to crumble, and it turns out that things are not as great and wonderful as the narcissist wanted others to think.

When this happens, he is criticized or denounced. Some might say that he is just a manipulative egomaniac, only interested in his own interests. Then he either disappears completely from view or erupts into a destructive, boundless narcissistic rage.

Narcissistic rage originates from toxic childhood experiences

Unfortunately, narcissistic personality disorder is still one of the least researched personality disorders. This is why professionals are still unable to explain with certainty how the disorder arises or what the circumstances of its treatment are. However, most researchers agree that narcissistic people very often grow up in a family where they have been constantly humiliated, punished, and bullied.

This creates sensitive spots in the child that are immediately activated if some damaged part of the inner child feels hurt or if the child's sense of shame is activated. When this happens, the adult narcissist attacks the environment.

It is important to realize that although the narcissist appears to be very strong and excessively self-loving, inside, he is extremely vulnerable and sensitive. He needs feedback from the outside world, so he is constantly on the lookout for criticism and cannot easily forget it. For the narcissist, even a little criticism can provoke anger and rejection.

It is for this reason that the narcissist's rage is destructive and extremely painful. He can insult and hurt without limits - even through physical violence or sudden withdrawal from another person's life. In addition, the narcissist can manipulate and use other forms of emotional violence. It is, therefore, crucial to recognize a narcissist as early as possible and to help them seek professional treatment. If this is not possible, then the only option is to end any relationship with the narcissistic abuser before it becomes a very deep problem.