I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
Dad jokes: 80 of the best (and worst) groaners
These are the best dad jokes we know, which also makes them some of the worst. You will find corny classics, puns that deserve a sigh, and dad jokes about food, animals and work, eighty in all and no repeats. Every joke is clean, so you can tell it at the dinner table, use it as your dad joke of the day, or text it to your father, who will claim he heard it first. Tap any joke to copy it.
All jokes 80
Corny classics 16
"Dad, did you get a haircut?" "No, I got them all cut."
"I'm hungry." "Hi Hungry, I'm Dad."
What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? "Supplies!"
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
What's brown and sticky? A stick.
Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar? He got twelve months.
Can February march? No, but April may.
What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurty.
How do you organize a space party? You planet.
What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
Terrible dad puns 16
I don't play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I'm just doing it for kicks.
My dad told me a joke about paper. It was tearable.
I was going to try an all-almond diet, but that's just nuts.
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.
I couldn't figure out how lightning works, but then it struck me.
Two antennas got married. The ceremony was dull, but the reception was excellent.
I just watched a documentary about beavers. Best dam show I ever saw.
What do you call a magician who lost his magic? Ian.
The man who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.
Why can't your nose be twelve inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
I ate a clock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.
My dad quit his job at the helium factory. He refused to be spoken to in that tone.
A ghost walked into a bar and ordered a shot. The bartender said, "Sorry, we don't serve spirits."
Elevator jokes are great. They work on so many levels.
What did the zero say to the eight? "Nice belt."
Dad jokes about food 16
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It was feeling crummy.
Where do you learn to make ice cream? Sundae school.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? There was nothing left but de-brie.
I'd tell you a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy.
What do you call a sad strawberry? A blueberry.
Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.
What kind of egg did the bad chicken lay? A deviled egg.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn't peeling well.
What do you call a peanut in a spacesuit? An astronut.
How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
What did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine.
Why shouldn't you tell secrets on a farm? The potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call an angry carrot? A steamed veggie.
Why did the coffee taste like dirt? It was ground a few minutes ago.
Animal dad jokes 16
Why couldn't the leopard play hide-and-seek? He was always spotted.
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.
Why are fish so smart? They live in schools.
What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? "Bison."
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
Why don't oysters donate to charity? Because they're shellfish.
What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
How do farmers count their cows? With a cowculator.
Why did the owl invite friends over? He didn't want to be owl by himself.
What's the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
Dad jokes about work 16
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded the dough.
I quit my job at the coffee shop. It was the same old grind.
I got fired from the keyboard factory. I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
I used to work at a blanket factory, but it folded.
I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I applied to be a garbage collector. I had no experience, but they said I'd pick it up as I go.
Why did the man get fired from the candy factory? He kept throwing out all the W's because they were upside-down M's.
I used to be a tap dancer, until I fell in the sink.
I'd tell you about my job as a lumberjack, but I got the axe.
I got a job crushing soda cans. It was soda pressing.
I wanted to be a doctor, but I didn't have the patients.
I tried being a fisherman, but I couldn't live on my net income.
I'm a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite remarkable.
I used to be a vacuum salesman. The job really sucked.
My boss asked if I was working hard. I said, "No, I'm hardly working."
I took a job at a velcro factory, but I couldn't stick with it.
What is a dad joke?
A dad joke is a short, clean joke built on a pun or an overly literal reading of a phrase, delivered with total confidence and zero shame. The classic example: someone says "I'm hungry," and Dad answers "Hi Hungry, I'm Dad." The humor is not really in the joke itself. It is in the groan, the eye roll and the proud grin of the person telling it. A good dad joke is supposed to be a little bit bad, and that is exactly why people love them.
Dad jokes are not only for dads, of course. Moms, grandparents, teachers, coworkers and kids tell them all the time. The name stuck because fathers have a long and well-documented history of telling the same pun at every family gathering, and because nobody else can deliver "I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands" with quite the same pride.
Why terrible dad jokes are so funny
Most jokes try to surprise you. Dad jokes surprise you by being so obvious that you did not see them coming. The punchline is usually a word that sounds like another word, like "two tired" or "sofishticated," and your brain has to do a quick double take. That tiny moment of "oh no" is where the laugh lives. The worse the pun, the bigger the groan, and a big groan is a win.
There is also something comforting about dad jokes. They are harmless, they do not make fun of anyone, and they work across generations. A seven-year-old and a seventy-year-old can laugh at the same joke about a cow with no legs, which is more than you can say for most comedy.
How to tell a dad joke like a pro
- Keep a straight face. Deliver the punchline as if it were a serious fact. The deadpan is half the joke.
- Wait for the opening. The best dad jokes are reactions. When someone says "I'm tired" or "Can you call me a cab?", you are ready.
- Do not apologize. If the room groans, the joke worked. Take a small bow.
- Repeat with pride. A true dad joke gets better the tenth time, at least according to dads.
- Set up the next one. Follow a groan with "Okay, one more," and watch everyone pretend to leave.
When to use dad jokes
Dad jokes are perfect for Father's Day cards, birthday messages, lunchbox notes, road trips, team chats and the first slide of a presentation that is otherwise very boring. Pick a food joke for a family dinner, an animal joke for kids, and a work joke for the office. Many families keep a "dad joke of the day" tradition: one joke at breakfast, everyone rates it from one to ten, and the lowest score wins. If you are looking for dad jokes for adults, our work section and the dad-style jokes in our one-liners collection are a good fit, and the bravest can try our dark jokes.
Holidays are prime dad-joke season too. Our Thanksgiving jokes and Christmas jokes pages both include a set of seasonal dad jokes, and kids will enjoy the puns on our jokes for kids page. For the full joke library, head back to our funny jokes hub.
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FAQ
What is the best dad joke of all time?
A strong contender is "I'm hungry." "Hi Hungry, I'm Dad." It needs no setup, works in any conversation and is guaranteed to make someone groan.
What is a dad joke?
A dad joke is a short, clean joke built on a pun or a too-literal reading of a phrase. It is meant to be a little corny, and the groan it gets is part of the fun.
What are some good dad jokes for kids?
Animal and food puns work best, such as "What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated." All eighty jokes on this page are clean and family friendly.
Are there dad jokes for adults?
Yes. Jokes about jobs, money and getting fired, like "I used to work at a blanket factory, but it folded," land better with grown-ups. See our work section and our one-liners page.
Why are dad jokes so corny?
Because that is the point. Dad jokes rely on obvious puns, and the reaction, an eye roll or a groan, is what makes them funny. A dad joke that is too clever stops being a dad joke.
How do I start a dad joke of the day tradition?
Pick one joke each morning, share it at breakfast or in a family chat, and let everyone rate it. With eighty jokes here, you have nearly three months of material without a repeat.